I’m not quite sure what this is. Fear? Anxiety? Or simply pre-date nerves? 16 days to go and I’m feeling it. It’s not that I’m new to living away. It’s not like I’ve lived a sheltered life or I’ve never desired to see the world. It’s quite simply that the realisation is slowly, but surely, kicking in. The realisation that things are changing, at the craziest pace, and although it’s the most exciting thing in the world, it’s also the scariest.
I’ve travelled, I’ve lived away from home, I’ve lived in another country, but the difference is that these past adventures had an expiry date. They had a definitive start and a definitive end. Whereas now, it’s indefinite, and I’m beginning to fear the unknown. What happens after? Where will we end up? What path will we follow? It’s the type of questions that enter your mind every now and then, that can’t seem to escape you. The type of questions that you can’t help but wonder, but questions that in reality, really get you nowhere.
Of course, it’s nice to have a plan. It’s nice to know where you will build your nest, how you will pass your days and which town you will one day call home. But I guess the beauty in life is not knowing what’s coming next, and not knowing what challenges and opportunities will come your way. We all desire that satisfaction of knowing what’s coming next, yet we crave the unexpected and the ambiguity. We all wish to be swept off our feet when we least expect it, but we want to plan which outfit to wear when that happens.
I guess the first step is merely trusting yourself, and trusting that you’ll find your path, whatever your circumstance. Everything else comes after that. In the meantime, I guess I need to stop with the questions and embrace the beautiful journey that lies ahead.